Evolution

2011.  I had just started photographing people other than my own babies.  It hurts a little bit to look back on these photos.  It's probably a little hard for the Mom, to be reminded of such sweet days.  Emma was still in diapers, falling down about every fifth step.

And it's a little hard for Photographer, to realize how lacking I was.  But the intention was good.  That matters.

By the next year I had just gotten enough confidence to start charging money.  But I think I was still working with an entry-level camera and still didn't know how much I didn't know.  Emma on the other hand, was holding the world in the palm of her hand and giggling at the entirety of it.

Year 3.  Finally I had a real camera and actually understood the concepts that I had been playing around with in my head.  And Emma was definitely no longer baby but full on GIRL.  The boots, the hair, even some mannerisms, had changed.  But her smile was just growing sweeter.

By Year 4, I was fully aware of what I didn't know and frankly didn't care.  I was entrenched in grasping every opportunity to capture the children around me.  My own kids were growing at an amazing speed and my fourth had just about knocked me out of the game.  But I was determined to find a way to document these moments.

Emma was just as determined to keep growing, to keep unfolding into this amazing person.  It's incredible to realize that everything a person becomes was already there, already waiting for the body to catch up to the spirit.

Year 5.  Now I fully knew and exceedingly cared about my lack of expertise.  I knew there are so many photographers so much better than me and I couldn't figure out to achieve the level that I wanted.  I knew there was creative magic that was fleeting and hard to capture, and the only way to grab a hold of it was to keep putting myself out there.  Even if I was consistently disappointed in an outcome.  I remember this shoot vividly.  It was the time that white balance was finally, finally figured out.

And I remember that Emma came to this shoot with ideas and options of her own.  She was ready to not be entertained, to not just react to what was happening around her.  She was ready to BE the action, not just the reaction.  Emma brought EMMA that year.

Emma had found her feet and now there was no stopping her.  Maybe she had doubts about herself.  Starting kindergarten can do that to us, we realize for the first time that someone else color better or run faster than we can, and for the first time we begin to doubt.  Or maybe even realize there's a concept like "good enough".

Emma didn't stop, she didn't let creepy doubts become roadblocks.  I know she didn't.  Because this is what we created together this year....

And

Just like Emma, I grew from crawling to running (with a few crashes) and finally to standing strong in my own knowledge.  Of what my art is, what it looks like and feels like.

It is sweet, and touching, and powerful.  Just like Emma.

Firsts

     As a mom of four rough and tumble kids, it's hard for me to remember the quiet serenity of one baby.  It's not hard to remember the reality of the first baby.  I felt like I had been turned inside out, my whole heart was on the outside and I was trying my hardest to keep it happy, fed, healthy, growing.  And frankly I can't remember my son's first birthday, probably because I was already pregnant (SURPRISE!) with his little brother.  

    So when Jodie contacted me for photos of her son around his first birthday, I was so excited for her!  No matter how crazy life feels and the details start to blur, she'll have a real and tangible memory of its beauty.  

   Even better, she wanted photos both in their home and in their (our) neighborhood.  Sweet photos of baby, of course.  But also memories of his crib, his home, his community.  What a gift.

We know.

As Moms, we know.  We know how to laugh about the insanity of our lives.  We know how to not take it personally that our teenagers don't have much time for us.  We know how important it is, to see our son in law make our daughter belly-laugh.

And we really, really know how important it is to get those family pictures done.  Even if it means bribery or threats, to get everyone's schedule cleared off on a Saturday night.  We know these kids aren't getting any younger (and neither are we!) and we know that right now, these family photos are cute.

In five years, they will be precious.

In twenty years, when our grandkids are staring at them and wondering how their mom was ever so young, they will be downright treasures.

Moms know.

And away they go!

I have always learned well from others.  As a kid, I'd quickly figure out who the smartest student in the class was, and then just tried to do what they did.  I have my elementary school honor roll status because of a certain Lydia Choy.

As an adult and a parent, I have found those people that are a few steps ahead of me, kids a few years older, Mom has been around the block more than I have, and I tried to learn, to emulate.  I'm not one to reinvent the wheel.

Soon after moving into this neighborhood, I found this Mama.  Her biggers were rock solid.  Not just good kids, but really good kids.  They were passionate about their hobbies, their friends, their spirituality.

So I tried to watch, to figure out what tricks this Mama had up her sleeve that I could try them out in my own home.

But I think this photo shoot reveals her secret far and wide.  She just loves them.  She glories in who they are, she supports their passions, she believes in them long and hard, and then she opens the door so they can try it out on their own.

Her two biggers are flying the coop this month, traveling far far away.  The weekend we made these photographs, was the last weekend they would all be together  for 2+ years.

And you can tell, Mama has the utmost confidence that they are going to be just fine.  And they will.

And now that I know her secret, mine will too.